Sometimes the stories we hesitate to tell—the ones laced with disappointment, doubt, or quiet heartbreak—are the very ones God uses to light a path for someone else. When we open up about the times we trusted a spiritual leader only to feel let down, or the moments we questioned everything we once believed, we give others permission to name their own pain. We remind them they’re not alone. And in the sharing, we often discover that our wounds, surrendered to Jesus, become doorways of grace for both us and those listening.
Take Sarah’s story, for example. She once poured her heart into a woman she saw as her “spiritual mother”—only to watch patterns of unrepentance unfold.
The hurt was real, the questions deep. But as she lamented honestly and turned her eyes back to Christ, something beautiful happened: her journey became a quiet beacon for others walking similar paths.
Your story—raw, imperfect, and real—might be exactly what someone needs today. Share it. You never know whose heart it will quietly encourage.
What to Do When a “Godly” Person Isn’t
Sarah had only been a Christian for a few months when she met Megan at church. Newly saved and hungry to grow, Sarah was drawn to Megan’s obvious confidence and spiritual maturity. Megan was married to a well-respected man in the community, carried herself with quiet authority, and seemed gifted in leadership and organising ministry. To Sarah, she looked like the perfect spiritual guide.
“I finally felt like I had someone who could show me what it really means to follow Jesus,” Sarah later told me. She opened her heart quickly, soaking up every conversation, prayer, and piece of advice Megan offered. For the first several months, their relationship felt like a gift from God. But over time, subtle warning signs began to surface.
Sarah started noticing things that didn’t line up: cutting comments made about others in private, subtle manipulation in how Megan handled relationships, and gossip that was carefully wrapped in the language of “prayer concerns.” When gently challenged, Megan became defensive and refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing. What troubled Sarah most was that these patterns never seemed to disturb Megan’s conscience, even though she continued to hold visible influence in the church.
The realisation hit Sarah hard. The woman she had looked up to wasn’t simply flawed — she was living in unrepentant sin while still presenting herself as spiritually strong. The sense of betrayal ran deep.
One evening, Sarah sat across from me with tears in her eyes. “If someone who seems so godly can live like this,” she asked, “how do I know what’s real anymore? I feel stupid for trusting her so completely. Now I’m even questioning whether I can trust anyone in church.”
Turning Disappointment into Deeper Dependence
Instead of pulling away in bitterness or spreading the hurt, Sarah did something wise: she prayed earnestly, brought the situation to trusted elders, and sought counsel from mature believers she respected. She refused to gossip or speak badly of Megan in public. Instead, she processed her confusion honestly before the Lord.
Those months became a painful but important season of lament. Sarah grieved the mentor she thought she had. She mourned the trust she had placed in a person rather than in Christ alone. In the middle of the disappointment, several Scriptures became steady anchors for her heart:
2 Timothy 3:5 – “…having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”
This verse helped her see the situation clearly without sliding into cynicism.
Psalm 55:12-14 – David’s honest cry about being hurt by a close companion gave her language for the pain of betrayal by someone she had let close.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”
This became her repeated prayer as she learned to release control and depend on God’s guidance instead of human wisdom.
The conclusion we kept returning to was this: We are not responsible for fixing someone else’s unrepentant heart. God sees every hidden thing, and He knows those who truly belong to Him. Our role is to guard our own hearts, forgive when forgiveness is sought, release the person to the Lord, and refuse to let bitterness take root (Hebrews 12:15). Sarah chose that path. She stepped back with grace and dignity, fixed her eyes on Jesus — the only perfect Shepherd and Teacher — and allowed the disappointment to push her closer to God rather than away from His people. Today, Sarah is more discerning, more compassionate, and more deeply rooted in Christ than before. What began as a painful disillusionment became an invitation to greater dependence on the One who never fails.
A Word for Anyone Who Has Been Disappointed by a Spiritual Leader
If you’ve ever placed a mentor, leader, or “spiritual parent” on a pedestal only to watch them fall, please hear this with gentleness: Your pain is real and valid. Bring every tear, every question, and every doubt to Jesus. Lament honestly before Him. But don’t let the failure of a human leader steal your faith in God. The same Lord who sees every hidden sin is the same Lord who is faithfully healing your heart right now. He remains the safest place to run.
He alone is worthy of your full trust.
And He will never disappoint you.
“What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe — as the Lord has assigned to each his task… So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”
— 1 Corinthians 3:5-7 (NIV)
Paul’s words to the divided Corinthian church still speak powerfully today. No matter how gifted or respected a leader may appear, they are only servants. Our ultimate allegiance and hope must rest in God alone — the only One who can truly make us grow. Learn from godly people, yes.
But never give them the place that belongs to Christ. When disappointment comes — and it often does in a church filled with imperfect people — it can become a grace-filled opportunity to recenter your heart on Jesus, the only unfailing Shepherd.
Recommended Resources for Further Reading:
Knowing God by J.I. Packer
A timeless classic that redirects our focus from flawed human leaders to the greatness and faithfulness of God Himself.
Dealing with Disappointment by John Hindley
A realistic, hope-filled guide that shows how to walk through disappointment without losing faith.
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